Never Say of the Day

May 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

Never say: “Oh my God, I mean, who DOES that?!?!”

Somebody does, apparently. The fact that this surprises you only makes me think that you don’t know enough people. Not only do you not know enough people, you also have never studied history, you don’t take in any media, and you don’t have much of an imagination.

I mean, have you not noticed in your however many years of life on this planet that PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF SOME DEEPLY DISTURBING SHIT? There really is not much that I would put past us. Imagine any deed, bizarre or horrific or just mildly inconsiderate, and I promise you that there are people who have done it. Don’t act so surprised.

Try this instead: “Oh, your date was sitting there picking his nose and eating it through the whole meal? Huh. Sounds about right. I mean, it’s gross and rude and everything, but you’ve got to expect that with so many people in the world and so many of them trying internet dating, you’re bound to at some point come into contact with this type of social deviance. Unpleasant, for sure, but hey. People are fucking weirdos.”

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